Waffle Off!

How do you celebrate a dreary Independence Day? American Style Waffle Competition!

Recently, my friend gave me his waffle iron. I already had one and there can only be one so I don’t become a hoarder. Hence…

waffle irons competition

Fancy Schmancy versus Rusty Trusty!

Competition: Two waffles, same amount of batter, will be made each round. The evaluation will be made by three house judges, one of which still pees his pants and eats dirt. The waffle irons will be graded and then one will be sent packing while the other gets to be named FREEDOM FIGHTER WAFFLE CHAMPION!

sponsored

Thanks Mom and Dad for the sponsorship syrup for the competition.

Here’s how it went down:

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Rusty Trusty heated up a minute faster than Fancy Schmancy. Fancy Schmancy also had more buttons, maybe was an issue. Batter poured and yet again, Rusty Trusty beats out Fancy Schmancy in time.

At the end of the day, Yankee Doodle could have made 4 waffles in the time Fancy Schmancy made one. If pushed for time, Rusty Trusty wins.

Then came the real competition. Rusty Trusty was more doughy waffles while Fancy Schmancy has crisper, denser waffles. After a vote from all three judges, Rusty Trusty wins on consistent, solid maple syrup squares and taste and texture.

Fancy Schmancy, sorry, the Liberty Bell rang it’s last for you today.

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Cooking with Kuchy: French Onion Soup (Blizzard Edition)

French Onion Soup is the snuggie of the soup world, enveloping you with bread and Swiss in a haze of fleecy onions. One of my favorites, especially during a blizzard.

If I can, I use a slow cooker because I’m a lazy ass. You’ll see that as a major theme of my cooking.

Warning, this may type of cooking not be for perfectionists Type As, foodies, or actual cooks.

Let’s get started!

Original recipe is from howsweeteatsis.com

First, you should cut your onions. I don’t. I get too excited. I jumped right to butter (4 Tbs) and garlic (3 cloves), the fatty lotion to this delight. I use a classy Dollar Store garlic press like a boss because it counts as exercise if I have to use both hands.

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Next, add balsamic vinegar and brown sugar (2 Tbs each). I even have an 1/8 measuring cup for this precise job! Occasionally, I own cook-like tools.

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I finally cut 5 onions. Recipe calls for 4. Screw that, I need more onions in my life. I cut food like a maniac toddler just learning to use utensils which is why when the recipe called for thinly sliced, I cut all kinds of shapes and sizes.

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Look at that mess now.

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Next, the broth. Turns out I only had one packet of onion soup mix, no beef broth or even bouillon cubes. This recipe calls for 8 cups of beef broth. Substitution – miso soup. I often do these substitutions because I hate the grocery store that much. This is a half and half of onion soup mix and miso soup mix. Then liberally add wine (recipe says 8 oz. but don’t let people question you). And take a sip. Maybe another.

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Look at those dehydrated onions. That’s why I added extra real onions. Natural balance will exert itself and the real ones will kill the faux onions and the taste of the kill will only improve this masterpiece.

The recipe calls for 9 hours on low. Jesus. I can’t wait that long. 4 hours on high is fine. These are onions not a baby cow.

20160123_145029Flash forward to this masterpiece! I have had at least three bowls using Swiss cheese (ran out of Gruyere and that cheese is expensive) and plain bread because bread is the background to this delight and while french bread is delightful beyond measure, sometimes you have to make due in a blizzard.

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This was delicious and I’d make it again with Gruyere cheese and crispier onions. Note: slice onions ahead of time. Then ignore that advice yet again.

Cooking with Kuchy: Cheesy Wino Spinach

Most meals are made on the fly based on what I have in the house. I use recipes like the Pirate Code, they are merely guidelines.

In the freezer was spinach. Sounded healthy enough.

I assume all vegetables either need olive or wine. I had wine that I wanted to drink so the decision was made easy. The wine featured today was a Virginia dessert wine called Black Jack from Corcoran winery that the lady recommended drinking in the morning after you sent the kids to school. Definitely a wine that goes with Spinach.

I felt like I needed another ingredient. Checked the fridge and BOOM, there’s some Boursin. That stuff makes anything good.

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NOTE: I am not a cook. Or a wino. But now you want to see how this disaster turns out and you’ve already committed by reading for more than 5 seconds, so just keep going.

Spinach collage

Toss the whole bag of spinach in the pan. Don’t even wait a few seconds, pop the wine open and dabble to taste as much wine as you want. I coat the bottom of the pan.

Add the whole slab of cheese at once, don’t waste time breaking it up when you can smoosh it in the pan. Life’s too short.

Pour yourself a cordial glass of that fabulous dessert wine. It’s the only way to cook.

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Voila! About 15 minutes later, I use The Force and based on tasting it, it tasted like it was a delightful way to eat veggies, all cheesy with hints of an alcohol underneath. I give it a 3.5 out of 5.

For the main dish, I had made a freezer meal awhile back with a London broil so cooked that up while spinach was going. The fire alarm went off a couple times, to add a bit of drama but once I remembered the fan on the hood, I was good to go. Recommend using Wonder Woman oven mitts as a fan, though.

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Used the plain dishes because there’s no one to impress. This is real cooking. The Guinness is merely a pirate code suggestion.